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LITHIUM NOW SOLD BY THE SPOONFUL ■ OIL BARON DENIES OWNING THE SUN ■ RUST BELT REOPENS. NOBODY KNOWS WHY ■ EAGLE CLEARS NEVADA, DECLINES TO COMMENT ■ ANALYSTS: "EVERYTHING IS FINE." MARKETS UNCONVINCED ■ DEALMAKER SIGNS TREMENDOUS CONTRACT WITH A ROCK ■ ALASKA RUNS OUT OF ICE, SELLS SNOW INSTEAD ■ WALL STREET BULL CHARGES INTO APPALACHIA, CALLS IT A CORRECTION ■ SPY FOUND. SPY DENIES BEING FOUND ■ JOURNALIST INTERVIEWS BARREL. BARREL HAS NO COMMENT ■ ROCKETMAN MISSES THE MINE. STATE TV REPORTS A FLAWLESS HIT ■ BEAR MARKET WAKES UP EARLY. RECOVERY CANCELLED ■ BUREAUCRAT DEEPLY CONCERNED ABOUT A CRATE. CRATE UNMOVED ■ EVERY BATTERY IN NEVADA BRICKED. HACKER BLAMES ANOTHER COUNTRY ■ LITHIUM NOW SOLD BY THE SPOONFUL ■ OIL BARON DENIES OWNING THE SUN ■ RUST BELT REOPENS. NOBODY KNOWS WHY ■ EAGLE CLEARS NEVADA, DECLINES TO COMMENT ■ ANALYSTS: "EVERYTHING IS FINE." MARKETS UNCONVINCED ■ DEALMAKER SIGNS TREMENDOUS CONTRACT WITH A ROCK ■ ALASKA RUNS OUT OF ICE, SELLS SNOW INSTEAD ■ WALL STREET BULL CHARGES INTO APPALACHIA, CALLS IT A CORRECTION ■ SPY FOUND. SPY DENIES BEING FOUND ■ JOURNALIST INTERVIEWS BARREL. BARREL HAS NO COMMENT ■ ROCKETMAN MISSES THE MINE. STATE TV REPORTS A FLAWLESS HIT ■ BEAR MARKET WAKES UP EARLY. RECOVERY CANCELLED ■ BUREAUCRAT DEEPLY CONCERNED ABOUT A CRATE. CRATE UNMOVED ■ EVERY BATTERY IN NEVADA BRICKED. HACKER BLAMES ANOTHER COUNTRY ■

LITHIUM NOW SOLD BY THE SPOONFUL

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